We're leaving, on a jet plane . . .

But I know exactly when we'll be back again: 6 January 2008.

I can't believe we leave this afternoon. We're pretty much ready. The taxi has been called and will be here at 1:45. The GoGo Kidz are attached to the carseats. Our boarding passes are printed out and in my purse. I have a huge bag full of snacks and toys for the babes. The trash is out and the final load of laundry is in. I gave the kids a bath before the nap that they are taking right now, so they are squeaky clean. We just have to make it through the flight, and then we'll be home.

This will be our first trip to Oregon since John died. We got married out there; weather permitting, I'd like to take the kids to the garden where we had our wedding. John and I spent his last two Christmases at our home, and while I'm really looking forward to being in Oregon with my family, it will be bittersweet.

I've got a lot on my mind but I've had little time to blog about it. The past week has been so busy, wrapping things up at work, welcoming my dad here, having fun with the kids, enjoying a blogger meetup. Through it all, I've been an emotional time bomb. If the slightest thing goes wrong, I snap. I've snapped at the twins, at my dad, at myself, at random people in stores. Snap snap snap. I hope that this two weeks away helps me to even out emotionally. Getting through the holidays will help.

Of course, we hit the ground running when we get back. We get home on a Sunday, and it's back to work and daycare on Monday. I'm hoping to go to my grandfather's memorial in southwest Missouri that Friday through Sunday, without the kids, so there will be a lot of logistics with that (although fewer logistics than if I were planning to take them with me). And I have a really, really busy week at work that week. I'm trying to put this all out of my mind and focus on enjoying our trip, but it's hard. I've always been an obsessive future planner, and I hate having things hanging over my head.

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A few cute twin things to remember from the past week or so:

Riley is totally interested in his penis. He points it out all the time and talks about how wee-wee comes out of it. Maddie is interested in it, too, but she calls it "green bean." Heh.

Last night, both Maddie and Riley decided that ice cream is the Best. Food. Ever. Neither of them has ever liked it before, but I offered them some of mine yesterday and they went nuts. I barely got any! Riley calls it "Irene," which is the name of one of the women at daycare.

Maddie is totally in love with her grandfather. She shuns me in favor of having "Ba" read to her or carry her down the stairs to the car.

We have had breakfast at Panera every day since my dad got here. The twins could live on French Toast bagels and cream cheese. They squeal with excitement, kick their legs, and yell, "Bagel! Keem cheese!" as soon as I turn in the parking lot every morning. Then they eat an entire bagel and cream cheese between the two of them. That's a lot of food!

Maddie got a Barbie from her daycare as a Christmas present. The Barbie is wearing a miniskirt, Elmo t-shirt, and serious f*&$-me boots. We took it out of the box at daycare, and Maddie's teacher picked the doll up to fix her hair. Horrified, she said, "Barbie has no panties!" Sure enough, Barbie is bare-assed. Riley then grabbed the Barbie, spread her legs wide open, and checked it out for himself.

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I'm hoping to have some time to do some reading while I'm away. I kind, generous friend in the computer gave me C.S. Lewis's A Grief Observed, and I started it last night. The edition she gave me has a foreword by Madeleine L'Engle, my favorite author, which is all I got through before falling asleep yesterday. It was beautiful, and I think the book will be meaningful for me.

I'll be hosting my book club the Wednesday after I get back from Oregon. We're reading Moth Smoke. Anyone read it?

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The real point of this post, random as it is, was to wish everyone happy holidays. I'll probably not be posting a lot from Oregon, but we'll see. I'm ready for 2008, ready to say goodbye to 2007. 'Twas a long, hard year.

Peace to all.