It's 1:00 a.m.
Riley just cried intermittently from midnight to now. I'd think he'd stopped and he'd start again.
I never went in.
He did this again a couple of nights ago from 4:00 to 4:30, but that time I followed our every ten minute rule and checked on him at 4:10 and 4:20. He stopped just before the 4:30 check. I thought I'd made things worse because when I went in at 4:10, he was clearly winding down, and then when I left after consoling him, he really geared up again. So I told myself that if we had a middle-of-the-night crying jag on a subsequent night, I was just going to ride it out.
We've been spoiled by nearly a month of twins sleeping through the night. Oh, there will be an occasional whimper or cry, but just a blip on the radar. This and the other night were different. Riley was really crying hard.
I wish that I could check on him without me knowing it. My fear is that he threw up or has a poopy diaper, something that I could help with, and that by not going in there, I'm perpetuating him suffering. On the other hand, we had such good luck with CIO and I don't want him to unlearn the good sleeping habits he's gained over the past month by making him think that I'm going to respond every time he cries. The babies sleeping well has been good for all of us, not just me and GH. Riley has been a happier kid now that he sleeps more, and I don't want to get back to where we were in December with me consoling him constantly (as in: every hour or so) throughout the night. That was awful for everyone.
GH is sleeping. I am wide awake and so upset by all this, questioning my decision not to go in, worried about Ri-Man. I woke GH up twice to get a consult, but he was so sleepy I didn't feel like I got much input. He suggested giving him Tylenol, which seemed like a weird choice to me unless Riley has a fever, which he didn't when he went to bed (not that he couldn't have developed one). I think GH's theory is that Ri-Man might be teething, which is valid, so maybe Tylenol is a good idea. I don't know! Oy.
I'm angry at myself for waking GH up, and, frankly, angry at him for not being more supportive of me during a time when I'm clearly very upset. Which I told him. I said multiple times, "This is so upsetting to me." Then I asked for a hug. Which he gave me. But this whole CIO thing is mentally easier on him than it is on me, and he's tired, and he has cancer.
I hate navigating this alone. I hate feeling alone. I'm worried about Riley. I'm worried about GH. I need to get some sleep.
I think Ri-Man is back asleep for now. I've formulated a plan: If he cries again, I'm going with the 10-minute rule. I need to at least put my mind a ease that there's not something wrong that I can fix. At least I have a game plan. Now if I can just turn off my racing mind . . .