27 June 2006

Quick Update

I'm finally back at the keyboard. I was totally wrong about the wireless access at the hospital--there was none. Although the truth is I probably would not have used it anyway. Too much other stuff to do, like admire the twins!

We've been home now for over 24 hours. I'm still in awe about the whole experience. Hearing them cry for the first time after the c-section, seeing them, holding them, feeding them. It gives a whole new meaning to "love at first sight."

C-section recovery is going remarkably well. I have basically no pain at this point. We actually just got out for our first walk along the bike path near our condo. It felt great to be outside and stretch the legs. Frankly, the worst pain I have right now is in my ass. All the sitting at the hospital and sitting at home to nurse makes for a sore bum!

Speaking of nursing . . . we're all getting the hang of it, but boy is it time-consuming. Worth it, but time-consuming. At least Madeleine and Riley latch on like pros and I've been able to nurse them at the same time. GH calls me his Earth Mother.

GH is amazing with the babies. No surprise there. Madeleine looks just like him, which is so cute. (Riley seems to be his own little man--can't tell at all who he looks like yet.) GH had to go back to work yesterday, which he found very, very hard. He feels bad because he has to work, and he's tired from work and having cancer, so he doesn't get up to help much in the night. Luckily, my mom is here to help me, and I've reassured GH that he shouldn't worry about the fact the he needs to sleep, but knowing that intellectually and accepting it as OK are two very different things.

Having the kids makes me all the more angry that GH has cancer. How long will he know them? How much longer do I get to have him? The twins have made my fear of losing him extremely acute. I don't want to do this without him, any of it. But I'm getting ahead of myself at a time when I very much need to focus on the present.

I'll post more pictures as time allows and hopefully blog more too. I'm certainly not lacking for blog fodder now!

10 comments:

weigook saram said...

I've been thinking about you. I'm glad nursing is going well. It seemed like I spent the whole day nursing just one, so I can't imagine how busy you must be. I'm also happy to hear that you have your mom there helping you. Support is so important, especially in the beginning.

I think kids are good at teaching us to live in the moment, or at least that's been my experience. But yes, I can see how the thought of losing GH must be even more painful now.

Menita said...

Your babies are just gorgeous. I'm so happy your mom can help you guys out, and that you and GH are having this time together with the kids. About the rest...I am so sorry, I wish things were very different for you.

Anonymous said...

Those are some pretty beautiful babies!!!

Hope you're enjoying your new-momhood and congratulations to all 4 of you!

Leggy said...

Oh Snickollet- I'm angry too- its so unfair that you are in this situation.

I'm glad you are recovering quickly and that nursing, etc. is going well and that you and GH are so head over heals in love.

Yankee T said...

I can't even bear to think about the unfairness. I can only hold out hope for a long papahood. The babies are among the most beautiful I have ever seen! Such sweet little bundles. Glad you're able to enjoy that bike path that I miss so much-miles and miles of it, eh? Congratulations again, Snickers, I'm so so so happy for all of you!

bg's Little Sis said...

Congratulations again, they are beautiful. Glad the breastfeeding is going well for you too, I found it very challenging. Thinking of all 4 of you and wishing you well.

OTRgirl said...

It must be so hard to stay in the moment. It seems like the natural thing is to wonder what they'll be like as little talking dreaming people, but that puts you into an uncertain future.

I'm glad they got the technique down right away. Good twins!

Dorcasina said...

They are simply gorgeous, perfect babies, and I am praying they'll have their papa around for a long, long time.

And I know the feelings of joy/rage. When our daughter arrived, we thought my husband had perhaps been "cured"--his operation had, we thought, gotten the tumor and there were no obvious signs of mets. We had just under three months before the bone mets were found. The rage and pain at this monster disease, coinciding with the joy of our daughter's arrival, made for a hell of an emotional ride. I'm glad that you are wise enough to treasure every day, and that he seems to be doing miraculously well.

On a lighter note: my sister had just weaned her daughter before my daughter arrived. I used to lie awake at night wondering about how I was going to wean my child--oblivious to the fundamental truth that since she was a) adopted and b) 14 months old, I wouldn't have to! So much wasted worry!

I hope you can put some of the sadness away and enjoy this wonderful time with your gorgeous family.

lct said...

I can't believe you guys have twins! I'm so excited for you and glad to hear the transition home has been smooth. I look forward to seeing more pictures and meeting them in person. Hi to GH, your mom, and those beautiful babies!

cheesemeister said...

I really hope that this doesn't sound trite, because it isn't meant that way. It's wonderful that he will get to know them for whatever amount of time because the connection that will form can never be broken. I hope for a miracle for you and for him so he can have more time with you and your children. Blessings and best wishes to all of you!