I'm not sure who I need to talk to about this, but I'd like to submit a request for a Free Pass on Life's Petty Annoyances. If I can figure out who to address my request to, I'd be happy to submit such a request on behalf of anyone out there who is pregnant, grief-stricken, dealing with terminal or chronic illness, is in a difficult financial situation, or who has other extenuating circumstances that should excuse them from the following:
1. Housecleaning
2. Cooking
3. General home maintenance (gutter cleaning, etc.)
4. Auto maintenance (routine oil changes, scheduled maintenance, etc.)
5. Any others as deemed necessary by the requester
In addition, the above-mentioned folks should, in my option, be exempt from dealing with the random, annoying, time-sucking things that pop up in life. For example:
1. Flat tires or other auto-related inconveniences. Our cars should run like clockwork all the time.
2. Unexpected trips to the doctor. We should be generally healthy so as to deal with the real stresses in our lives.
3. Billing disputes with credit card people, etc.
4. Lost things. We should never lose things. There should be some way to protect us from things getting lost.
5. Etc. etc. etc.
I realize this may sound whiny. The things on my list are the things of life--there are no free passes. As a grown-up, I have to deal with these things. But I just feel like the other stuff on my plate should trump some of the annoying crap.
It occurs to me that if I categorized my posts, this one, along with many others, would fall into the "Learn to Ask for Help Already" category. Hmmmmmmmm.
Speaking of which, as of next week I'm joining a telephone support group for caregivers of people with pancreatic cancer. The opportunity kind of fell into my lap and I figured it was a sign. We'll see how that goes.
GH gets home tonight. I'm eager to see him. I talked to him this morning and he sounded very tired. Evidently he'd had a long, emotionally exhausting conversation with his parents about the same old stuff, meaning their inability to give us the kind of help and support we need. Poor guy. When we talked, he was on his way to get a massage, so hopefully that will help ease some of the tension.
Moi
- Snickollet
- I'm a mother and a widow, and a whole lot of other things. Here, though, I tend to write about parenting, grief, and their intersection.
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6 comments:
Good for you for joining a support group, Snick. I hear ya on 1) life's irritations and 2) not wanting to ask for help. But you've got a lot on your plate. Just think of it this way, as I've had to: The stronger you can make yourself, the better off you'll be for GH. I'll be thinking of ya.
Here's a free pass for you: chocolate has neither fat nor calories for those caretaking someone with cancer.
Much love to you.
Aw, Snick, you need someone to take on all that crap for you. When I adopted the girls on my own, I never would have survived without TONS of help. And I hear the need to be strong, but damn, it must suck. I'm here for you, for whatever useless way I can be.
I enjoy your sense of humor, especially in the midst of your life's intensity! I hope most of your examples are hypothetical, but I'm guessing they aren't.
Why can't family be a support and not a drain? I bet GH is having to function as a counselor for his parents when they should be nurturing him. Sigh.
I just wanted to tell you that I stayed up till 2 a.m. reading your entire blog. You're living a very compelling story. My heart goes out to you and your family. I eagerly await the birth of your twins alongside all your other faitful readers.
Take care.
A-freakin'-men to the free pass idea! Back when we were only Stage II, my husband and I used to laugh uproariously when I'd make a dreadful driving error and shout, "So sue me, my husband has cancer!" We discussed making up bumper stickers that said "Pardon my driving: my husband has cancer." Sigh. Once upon a time, we thought it was funny.
And yes, I found auto maintenance to be a huge and stupid burden. One thing I have found (Badger, do you agree?) is that people are more helpful with things like this during the illness than after it's "all over" (for them, anyway). So despite my own aversion to asking for help, I did it, and found out that people really, really loved doing these mundane tasks for me. They, like me, needed a tangible way to help, and even the most caring of them wanted to be told exactly what would help. They can't fight cancer for GH, but I suspect you will be overwhelmed at how eager friends and family are to help with these necessary hassles.
And since blogger is finally letting me comment (grrrr), let me say that the "ripe mango" is simply luscious and the room is gorgeous. What lucky, yummy, happy babies they will be in there. And how astounding you are for getting it ready; I was too wrapped up by my husband's illness and my job search to do anything beyond moving the TV out of my daughter's room before heading off to China...
Sending love and strength to you always.
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