17 January 2006

Slipping Away

For the past week or so, GH has had a lot of weird medical issues (cancer aside). His stomach has been bothering him--he'll feel queasy, or even vomit, or have stomach pain. He has rashes everywhere. He has an infected hair follicle. His back hurts. His platelets remian stubbornly low.

It's hard not to feel like this is related to the cancer, that the cancer is getting out of control, taking over his body, trying to shut him down. It's really scary.

I have this horrible feeling like he's slipping away from me, that I can't hold on. There have been a lot of tears these past few days. My temper is short. I have no time for anyone's complaints but my own.


LeggyP said...

I found you via a comment you left at Julie's A Little Pregnant. I started reading your first few posts thinking "who is GH? God I hope its not her husband" and then being horrified to discover (by reading all your archives that he is.

I am so damn sorry that you have to go through all this crap. I can't think of anything to say except how unfair it all is, and that just sounds dumb given the gravity of the whole sitution.

I wish I had found you sooner because you've written about some really tough stuff and haven't been well connected to other bloggers yet. I wish you'd had more support over the last few months.

I also know several cancer survivor wives dealing with IF that have blogs. I'll send your their blog addresses if you are interested.

I am also, unfortunately, intimately familiar with grief having lost my brother, dad, and uncle, in addition to 8+ years of infertility, so I get that aspect re: people ask you how you are doing but most only want the cliff notes "we're hanging in there" version.

I am SO SORRY you have to go through all this. I've added you to my bloglines subscriptions and I'll be checking back. Can't offer much but just know that people out on the Internets care about you and GH and your twins.

lct said...

Honey, I'm so very sorry you have to deal with all this. Is there anything I can do? Do you want visitors? Do you want to come here for a visit? Know that I love you both and think about you every day.