I had planned to write a post on how I got involved in Al-Anon, but I'm too tired to tackle that tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
For now, I offer you, on this last day of NaBloPoMo, my reflections on the experience (even if I did miss a day. OK, two days.).
• NaBloPoMo should not fall in the month of Thanksgiving, when many people travel and might face unique challenges in posting. I propose March. What happens in March? Nothing. It's still winter (even though ever year I think it should be spring), there are no holidays, and I generally find it to be a dreary month.
• I feel (and readers my disagree!) that posting every day led to more interesting posts in general. I got out of the rut, at least sometimes, of giving cancer and twins updates and got into some more meaty stuff about myself. And what could be more fascinating than posts about myself! Ha ha! Yes, I am the center of the universe!
• Posting never felt like a chore to me, although certainly some days I would not have posted if it hadn't been for the fact that I said I would.
• I don't think I'll keep up the post-a-day pace, but I do think that I'll be more regular about posting since it was a near-daily habit for a while.
To all the official participants, good luck! I think some of you will get prizes. To my readers who slogged through my posts every day, thank you. You keep me going.
30 November 2006
29 November 2006
Happy Birthday, Mom
It's my mom's 63rd birthday today. I can't believe my mom is 63. I can't believe that I'm 34. I can't believe that the twins are five months. Crazy.
My mom and I have a great relationship. Every day I spend living so far away from her (and my stepdad and my dad) makes me long more and more to move back to Oregon. Someday. It's not in the cards for me right now, but someday. Especially now that the twins are here, being away from Mom is very, very difficult. Not only do I miss her emotional support, her optimism, her amazing way with babies, her practicality, and her cooking (among other things), but I just wish that she could be a daily part of Maddie and Riley's lives. I want them to know her. I want their faces to light up when they see her. I want them to feel the love she has for them more frequently than a few times a year. I make a point of talking about her a lot, but it's not the same as having her here to hold them and say "I love you" herself.
My mom's relationship with her mom was rocky. My maternal grandmother was a difficult woman. She was an alcoholic, an agoraphobiac, and a bitter, sad person who saw her young son get run over by a milk truck. She didn't like my dad, and actually said "I told you so" when my mom and dad divorced. Because she didn't like my dad, she didn't care much for me, either. When she sent the grandkids money for birthdays or Christmas, I always got $5 less than everyone else. I was always rather glad that she lived far away from us, in Kansas, so we didn't see her very often.
I know that my mom wanted her relationship with me to be different than her relationship with her own mother. And in many ways it is. And I know she wants to have a very different grandmother relationship with my kids than I did with her mother. And she will. It will be more loving for sure. I just wish it could be more frequent.
Someday I'll write more about my mom and my grandmother and about all of the adult child of an alcoholic behaviors I learned from my mom, the child of two alcoholics herself. My mom didn't have an easy childhood, despite living a financially priviliged life in an idyllic American suburb. But she is one of the strongest, most loving people I know today. The older I get, the more I appreciate what she did for me when I was younger and how hard she worked to give me the emotional stability and loving environment that she didn't get when she was growing up.
This year, when my stepdad and I asked my mom what she wanted for her birthday, her reply was, "All I want is a trip to Boston to see the twins." And so that's what she got. She'll be here next Thursday for a five-day visit.
I can't wait.
Love you, Mooti. Happy 63rd.
My mom and I have a great relationship. Every day I spend living so far away from her (and my stepdad and my dad) makes me long more and more to move back to Oregon. Someday. It's not in the cards for me right now, but someday. Especially now that the twins are here, being away from Mom is very, very difficult. Not only do I miss her emotional support, her optimism, her amazing way with babies, her practicality, and her cooking (among other things), but I just wish that she could be a daily part of Maddie and Riley's lives. I want them to know her. I want their faces to light up when they see her. I want them to feel the love she has for them more frequently than a few times a year. I make a point of talking about her a lot, but it's not the same as having her here to hold them and say "I love you" herself.
My mom's relationship with her mom was rocky. My maternal grandmother was a difficult woman. She was an alcoholic, an agoraphobiac, and a bitter, sad person who saw her young son get run over by a milk truck. She didn't like my dad, and actually said "I told you so" when my mom and dad divorced. Because she didn't like my dad, she didn't care much for me, either. When she sent the grandkids money for birthdays or Christmas, I always got $5 less than everyone else. I was always rather glad that she lived far away from us, in Kansas, so we didn't see her very often.
I know that my mom wanted her relationship with me to be different than her relationship with her own mother. And in many ways it is. And I know she wants to have a very different grandmother relationship with my kids than I did with her mother. And she will. It will be more loving for sure. I just wish it could be more frequent.
Someday I'll write more about my mom and my grandmother and about all of the adult child of an alcoholic behaviors I learned from my mom, the child of two alcoholics herself. My mom didn't have an easy childhood, despite living a financially priviliged life in an idyllic American suburb. But she is one of the strongest, most loving people I know today. The older I get, the more I appreciate what she did for me when I was younger and how hard she worked to give me the emotional stability and loving environment that she didn't get when she was growing up.
This year, when my stepdad and I asked my mom what she wanted for her birthday, her reply was, "All I want is a trip to Boston to see the twins." And so that's what she got. She'll be here next Thursday for a five-day visit.
I can't wait.
Love you, Mooti. Happy 63rd.
A Different Ri-Man
Riley has many different nicknames, but more often than not we call him the Ri-Man. He even has a Ri-Man song:
Ri-Man, my [secret spy man]
My cutest cutest cutest little Ri-Man
Ri-Man my [super fly man]
Oh, how I love my baby Ri-Man.
The words in brackets are subject to frequent change.
So imagine how surprised I was when a friend of mine sent me a link to this very different kind of Ri-Man. Hee hee!
Ri-Man, my [secret spy man]
My cutest cutest cutest little Ri-Man
Ri-Man my [super fly man]
Oh, how I love my baby Ri-Man.
The words in brackets are subject to frequent change.
So imagine how surprised I was when a friend of mine sent me a link to this very different kind of Ri-Man. Hee hee!
28 November 2006
NaBloNoGo
I missed two days! As an anal, rules-following, only-child Capricorn, I find this distressing, even as an unofficial participant. I was so close to the end of the month, so close!
But I digress.
I wish I could tell you that I had been having so much fun hanging out with my husband while my in-laws watched the kids, catching up with my sister-in-law's dating drama, and stuffing myself with Thanksgiving leftovers, but it ain't so. Instead, I was Learning Things, some the Hard Way. Here's what I learned:
1. When your child sleeps poorly one night, then cries inconsolably for hours during the next night, it's not because she's trying to annoy you. It's because she has an earache.
2. Don't wait for your child--who wants nothing more in the world than to go to sleep--to cry for four hours before giving Tylenol. Get over your "I don't want to give her medicine unless I'm sure she needs it" attitude and just give her the damn Tylenol. It might help, which will give you a clue as to why she's crying.
3. 37°C = 98.6°F. Our #$&@ thermometer would only display in Celsius for some reason. At least the temperature I was measuring was normal. Thank you, Internet conversion programs.
4. It's good to know and be related to doctors. They can get you in to see their doctor friends and you won't even have to pay a copay! And you get free samples of the blessed Tylenol!
5. When your baby hasn't pooped in 36 hours, she'll decide to do her business just as the doctor walks in the exam room to check her out.
6. Flying home with a baby who has an earache might not be as bad as you expect it to be.
7. No matter how tired you are, being home will make you feel better about things.
Glad to be home. So, so glad to be home.
But I digress.
I wish I could tell you that I had been having so much fun hanging out with my husband while my in-laws watched the kids, catching up with my sister-in-law's dating drama, and stuffing myself with Thanksgiving leftovers, but it ain't so. Instead, I was Learning Things, some the Hard Way. Here's what I learned:
1. When your child sleeps poorly one night, then cries inconsolably for hours during the next night, it's not because she's trying to annoy you. It's because she has an earache.
2. Don't wait for your child--who wants nothing more in the world than to go to sleep--to cry for four hours before giving Tylenol. Get over your "I don't want to give her medicine unless I'm sure she needs it" attitude and just give her the damn Tylenol. It might help, which will give you a clue as to why she's crying.
3. 37°C = 98.6°F. Our #$&@ thermometer would only display in Celsius for some reason. At least the temperature I was measuring was normal. Thank you, Internet conversion programs.
4. It's good to know and be related to doctors. They can get you in to see their doctor friends and you won't even have to pay a copay! And you get free samples of the blessed Tylenol!
5. When your baby hasn't pooped in 36 hours, she'll decide to do her business just as the doctor walks in the exam room to check her out.
6. Flying home with a baby who has an earache might not be as bad as you expect it to be.
7. No matter how tired you are, being home will make you feel better about things.
Glad to be home. So, so glad to be home.
25 November 2006
I thought it couldn't get worse. I was wrong.
Good news: My cold is much better. So is Riley's.
More good news: Riley slept really well last night, 7:15 to 1:30 then a feeding then back down until 6:00.
Bad, bad news: Maddie woke up EVERY 30 MINUTES all night. All night! I tried putting her in the crib, putting her in her car seat, putting her in bed with us, feeding her, you name it. She was wide awake and wanted to play. Oy. GH's mom took her in the wee small hours and let me and GH get some much-needed sleep. I'm torn between feeling bad for Maddie--she's someplace unfamiliar, she's coming down with a cold--and feeling like she is working me. If we'd been at home, I would have been tempted to let her CIO, but GH's parents would pitch a fit and just not let that happen. Also, I don't think she'd be acting like this if we were at home, so it's kind of a moot point.
I'm hoping for better tonight, optimist that I am! I'm not going to say that it can't get worse because that would just be asking for trouble.
More good news: Riley slept really well last night, 7:15 to 1:30 then a feeding then back down until 6:00.
Bad, bad news: Maddie woke up EVERY 30 MINUTES all night. All night! I tried putting her in the crib, putting her in her car seat, putting her in bed with us, feeding her, you name it. She was wide awake and wanted to play. Oy. GH's mom took her in the wee small hours and let me and GH get some much-needed sleep. I'm torn between feeling bad for Maddie--she's someplace unfamiliar, she's coming down with a cold--and feeling like she is working me. If we'd been at home, I would have been tempted to let her CIO, but GH's parents would pitch a fit and just not let that happen. Also, I don't think she'd be acting like this if we were at home, so it's kind of a moot point.
I'm hoping for better tonight, optimist that I am! I'm not going to say that it can't get worse because that would just be asking for trouble.
24 November 2006
Hanging In
Flight yesterday went off without a hitch. Good babies! Since arriving in Detroit, however, things have been pretty rough. I have a cold. Riley has a cold. One of two babies was up every hour last night from 10:30 to 5:30, their worst night's sleep in their whole lives. I don't hold it against them; I have a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar places, too. But it does make for one very tired Snick.
Thankfully, we do have all the family here to help out, and we did have a lovely Thanksgiving dinner once the babies went to bed yesterday. I was able to sneak in a couple of naps today and I'm off to bed now at the ripe old hour of 8:00.
Here's hoping for a better night tonight for all of us. And a more interesting post tomorrow.
Thankfully, we do have all the family here to help out, and we did have a lovely Thanksgiving dinner once the babies went to bed yesterday. I was able to sneak in a couple of naps today and I'm off to bed now at the ripe old hour of 8:00.
Here's hoping for a better night tonight for all of us. And a more interesting post tomorrow.
23 November 2006
Happy Thanksgiving
We're traveling today, flying to Detroit to see GH's family. I'm afraid that my posting time will be limited later, so I'm taking the opportunity to squeeze in a quick post before we head to the airport.
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I feel like I have more than usual to be thankful for this year including all of the connections I've made via this blog. I've gotten a lot of really nice comments lately--they are much apprecited and keep me going.
I hope you all enjoy the holiday, with our without family, with our without turkey, wherever you may be, whatever you may do.
I will post as I can from Detroit. It's a bit cruel that NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo fall during a holiday month, isn't it?
XO
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I feel like I have more than usual to be thankful for this year including all of the connections I've made via this blog. I've gotten a lot of really nice comments lately--they are much apprecited and keep me going.
I hope you all enjoy the holiday, with our without family, with our without turkey, wherever you may be, whatever you may do.
I will post as I can from Detroit. It's a bit cruel that NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo fall during a holiday month, isn't it?
XO
22 November 2006
Giving Thanks
Before I get to my real post, a quick Happy Birthday to Maddie and Riley who turn five months old today. Hooray, little ones!
I was tagged by Rachel over at Kitchen Fire with a Thanksgiving-appropriate meme.
It was fun to think both of these lists through. I could have added more things to both lists, but here's what came out first:
10 Shallow Things I'm Grateful For
1. Getting out of work early today so that I can rendez-vous with GH and go to the movies before we have to pick the twins up from day care
2. Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe Joe cookies
3. The phone in the supply closet where I pump three times a day
4. Fleece pants, fleece tops, fleece blankets, fleece in general
5. The heated seats in my Forester
6. Decaf coffee
7. Blockbuster.com--I love renting TV shows on DVD
8. Football and baseball seasons (Go Blue! Go Pats! Go Colts! [I love Peyton Manning] Go Sox!)
9. Being able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight while I'm breastfeeding the twins
10. Dim sum at China Pearl on Sunday mornings
10 Things I'm Genuinely Grateful For
1. Every day my husband is alive
2. My marriage--I never expected that being married would be so amazing
3. My children
4. The good relationship I have with my parents and extended family and the love and respect we show each other even during very trying times
5. My health
6. The amazing health insurance that GH, the twins, and I have
7. Having enough money to pay our bills every month without stressing out about it
8. The connections I've made through blogging
9. The love and support I give to and receive from my friends
10. All of the incredible things I've been able to do with my life up until now--go to college, live overseas, join the Peace Corps, go to graduate school, live all over the US, get married, buy a house, have children. Many people never get to do one of those things, let alone all of them. And who knows what the future will bring?
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Wishing you peace and love.
I was tagged by Rachel over at Kitchen Fire with a Thanksgiving-appropriate meme.
It was fun to think both of these lists through. I could have added more things to both lists, but here's what came out first:
10 Shallow Things I'm Grateful For
1. Getting out of work early today so that I can rendez-vous with GH and go to the movies before we have to pick the twins up from day care
2. Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe Joe cookies
3. The phone in the supply closet where I pump three times a day
4. Fleece pants, fleece tops, fleece blankets, fleece in general
5. The heated seats in my Forester
6. Decaf coffee
7. Blockbuster.com--I love renting TV shows on DVD
8. Football and baseball seasons (Go Blue! Go Pats! Go Colts! [I love Peyton Manning] Go Sox!)
9. Being able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight while I'm breastfeeding the twins
10. Dim sum at China Pearl on Sunday mornings
10 Things I'm Genuinely Grateful For
1. Every day my husband is alive
2. My marriage--I never expected that being married would be so amazing
3. My children
4. The good relationship I have with my parents and extended family and the love and respect we show each other even during very trying times
5. My health
6. The amazing health insurance that GH, the twins, and I have
7. Having enough money to pay our bills every month without stressing out about it
8. The connections I've made through blogging
9. The love and support I give to and receive from my friends
10. All of the incredible things I've been able to do with my life up until now--go to college, live overseas, join the Peace Corps, go to graduate school, live all over the US, get married, buy a house, have children. Many people never get to do one of those things, let alone all of them. And who knows what the future will bring?
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Wishing you peace and love.
21 November 2006
Sorting Things Out + A Quote with Thoughts
I'm still working on the template. This might take a while. One element that is not working for me is the "Currently Reading" link.
Which segues me into my next topic: a quote. I have been reading Ursula Hegi's Salt Dancers*. Here is a quote from the book in which the main character describes her feelings for her husband, early in their marriage:
I remember feeling that way. I still feel that way even though an illness is trying to claim him. Now when I wake up at night, I have a brief moment where I am awed by the beauty that is my life. Then one word, cancer, makes its way to the forefront of my mind and while I remain grateful for the countless blessings that are mine, I also become taut and angry about what the disease is trying to take away.
Lately, as GH has not been feeling so well and as it seems that cancer is getting the upper hand, I've been dealing with a lot of fear. It ranges from small-scale fear (Will GH be able to get up in the night to help me with the twins?) to large-scale (How on earth will I even begin to function without GH?) It's overwhelming. I know I need to just focus on the now and try not to worry about what the future holds, but damn if that isn't hard.
I was really inspired by this post over at Sojournering (the church part, not the potential social gaffe part [OTRgirl, if you're reading, I don't think it was as bad as you think it was!). I'm a total mess about religion, one of those "spiritual but not religious" people when people ask, but more of a believer without a home at heart. All this fear and uncertainty in my life has often made me contemplate going to church. I hate to use the words "good outlet" and "resource" to describe a place of worship, but I think church could be both of those things for me. But which church? So many churches have social views that I find unacceptable. Maybe the Quakers? The UUs?
For a long time, Al-Anon was my religion.** When GH and I bought our condo, shortly before I became pregnant with the twins, we moved quite far away from my home meeting and I just never got back into it what with all the pregnancy and cancer stuff we had going on. It was in Al-Anon that I started to think more about religion rather than just rejecting the idea outright. I have shared at many Al-Anon meetings that I have three prayers: Please, Thank You, and the Serenity Prayer. I find that those three cover all of my bases. Frankly, those three prayers are in many ways enough religion for me right now. It's just not very social of me to have three prayers I say when I need them, and it's the social aspect that I'm starting to crave.
I don't know how to wrap this up. This is more of a think-aloud than anything, more questions than answers, and mostly unformed thoughts. Fruitful topic, though, and I imagine I'll return to it now that it's on the table.
* Aside: I tried to read Hegi's Stones from the River some years back. I could not get through it. I'm enjoying this book enough that I might give Stones another try.
** I've never blogged about my Al-Anon experience. To be honest, I'm not sure if it's a violation of the principles of Al-Anon to talk about the fact that I'm a member and share what I've said at meetings. I think it's OK as long as I don't talk about other people from meetings. In any case, someday I'll get into how I got into Al-Anon; for now, suffice it to say that my 17-years-sober father is my qualifier.
Which segues me into my next topic: a quote. I have been reading Ursula Hegi's Salt Dancers*. Here is a quote from the book in which the main character describes her feelings for her husband, early in their marriage:
Those early years with Andreas, I'd sometimes woken up at night, my love for him stretching every cell of my body with fear because so many accidents and illnesses could claim him from me. Those nights I couldn't imagine how I could possibly continue without him.
I remember feeling that way. I still feel that way even though an illness is trying to claim him. Now when I wake up at night, I have a brief moment where I am awed by the beauty that is my life. Then one word, cancer, makes its way to the forefront of my mind and while I remain grateful for the countless blessings that are mine, I also become taut and angry about what the disease is trying to take away.
Lately, as GH has not been feeling so well and as it seems that cancer is getting the upper hand, I've been dealing with a lot of fear. It ranges from small-scale fear (Will GH be able to get up in the night to help me with the twins?) to large-scale (How on earth will I even begin to function without GH?) It's overwhelming. I know I need to just focus on the now and try not to worry about what the future holds, but damn if that isn't hard.
I was really inspired by this post over at Sojournering (the church part, not the potential social gaffe part [OTRgirl, if you're reading, I don't think it was as bad as you think it was!). I'm a total mess about religion, one of those "spiritual but not religious" people when people ask, but more of a believer without a home at heart. All this fear and uncertainty in my life has often made me contemplate going to church. I hate to use the words "good outlet" and "resource" to describe a place of worship, but I think church could be both of those things for me. But which church? So many churches have social views that I find unacceptable. Maybe the Quakers? The UUs?
For a long time, Al-Anon was my religion.** When GH and I bought our condo, shortly before I became pregnant with the twins, we moved quite far away from my home meeting and I just never got back into it what with all the pregnancy and cancer stuff we had going on. It was in Al-Anon that I started to think more about religion rather than just rejecting the idea outright. I have shared at many Al-Anon meetings that I have three prayers: Please, Thank You, and the Serenity Prayer. I find that those three cover all of my bases. Frankly, those three prayers are in many ways enough religion for me right now. It's just not very social of me to have three prayers I say when I need them, and it's the social aspect that I'm starting to crave.
I don't know how to wrap this up. This is more of a think-aloud than anything, more questions than answers, and mostly unformed thoughts. Fruitful topic, though, and I imagine I'll return to it now that it's on the table.
* Aside: I tried to read Hegi's Stones from the River some years back. I could not get through it. I'm enjoying this book enough that I might give Stones another try.
** I've never blogged about my Al-Anon experience. To be honest, I'm not sure if it's a violation of the principles of Al-Anon to talk about the fact that I'm a member and share what I've said at meetings. I think it's OK as long as I don't talk about other people from meetings. In any case, someday I'll get into how I got into Al-Anon; for now, suffice it to say that my 17-years-sober father is my qualifier.
20 November 2006
Upgrade in Progress
Hold on to your hats, readers. I've switched to Blogger in Beta and I'm upgrading my template. It's a slow week at work; what else am I supposed to do? Hopefully the drag and drop system for losers like me who never learned HTML will mean that I can have more fun with my look. Also: I'm hoping to finally get my blogroll fixed so that ALL the blogs I read show up on the list, not just some of them! Jeez, I'm not asking for much.
19 November 2006
Sunday Night Blues
The only thing not to like about weekends is that all too soon, Sunday night rolls around. When I was in school, Sunday night meant homework. Now that I'm a worker bee, it means trying to remember what I was doing at work last week, pulling the twins' stuff together for day care, planning ahead for what's to come during the week. It used to mean dreading getting up early on Monday morning, but now that happens every day, ho ho.
This weekend has been busy, but nice. Lots of friends around. GH hasn't felt so good, though, so that was a downer. I'm worried about him, more so than usual. He's all itchy, a sign of high liver function. He's really, really tired, more tired than a guy with cancer and twins usually is. He just seems a little hollow.
I've been racing around all day trying to get the bulk of the Sunday chores done so that once the twins are in bed, GH and I can enjoy some time together to talk and just be. Of all the great things about weekends, that time is the best of all.
This weekend has been busy, but nice. Lots of friends around. GH hasn't felt so good, though, so that was a downer. I'm worried about him, more so than usual. He's all itchy, a sign of high liver function. He's really, really tired, more tired than a guy with cancer and twins usually is. He just seems a little hollow.
I've been racing around all day trying to get the bulk of the Sunday chores done so that once the twins are in bed, GH and I can enjoy some time together to talk and just be. Of all the great things about weekends, that time is the best of all.
18 November 2006
Weekends, I Love You
I love weekends.
I love not going to work.
I love spending time with Maddie and Riley.
I love that both GH and I are at home with the babies.
I love not having to pump.
I love watching football. (Go Blue!)
I love taking walks.
I love seeing friends.
I love squeezing in some time to cook.
I love taking long showers.
I love getting stuff done around the house.
Oh, weekends, I love you.
I love not going to work.
I love spending time with Maddie and Riley.
I love that both GH and I are at home with the babies.
I love not having to pump.
I love watching football. (Go Blue!)
I love taking walks.
I love seeing friends.
I love squeezing in some time to cook.
I love taking long showers.
I love getting stuff done around the house.
Oh, weekends, I love you.
17 November 2006
Two Gross but Funny Phrases I Had not Heard in a Long Time That Came up This Week
1. Clusterfuck
2. Screwed the pooch
2. Screwed the pooch
16 November 2006
It's Thursday, Not Monday
I wanted to be whimsical and funny and breezy today, full of good cheer and smiles. Instead, I present to you My Day and my sincere hope that I can be sunnier tomorrow.
1:00 Maddie up for no good reason, crying. GH gets her back to sleep.
3:00 Everyone who is a baby eats.
5:00 Everyone who is a baby decides it’s time to get up. GH gets up with Riley. Maddie stays in bed with me. She intermittently fusses, punches me in the face, and dozes.
5:30 I hear a big CRASH in the bathroom. I ignore it.
6:00 Maddie is doing more punching and fussing than dozing, so I get up. I find Riley asleep in his carseat and GH on the couch under a blanket, watching TV with no sound. GH explains that the crash I heard was him falling over in the bathroom and hitting his back (?!) on the tub.
6:00-7:00 I race around and do all the morning prep work (packing my bag, packing lunches, mixing formula and packing the baby bag, etc.) because GH is sacked out on the couch.
7:00 I feed babies, GH takes shower.
7:15 I go to take shower, but drop one of my contact lenses on the floor and have to spend 10 minutes looking for it.
7:40 GH and I argue about whether or not his back can handle carrying the babies and going to work. We decide it can. I race out the door because I’m seriously behind at work and need to come in early.
8:10 I arrive at work. Traffic was a serious bitch.
8:15 I cook myself some oatmeal because I didn’t have time for breakfast at home. I decide to multitask and make my coffee while my oatmeal cooks. The oatmeal boils over in the microwave, creating a sticky mess.
8:30 I work for an hour.
9:30 I go to a company meeting led by Ken Doll from the home office. He assures us that our company is a "vital part of the corporate portfolio" and that our company president, who recently quit, will be replaced ASAP. He admonishes us all to keep our noses to the grindstone. He uses a lot of Successories in his speech. I feel ill.
10:00 I pump.
10:30 I work for 30 min.
11:00 I go get my haircut.
12:30 I work for 30 min.
1:00 I pump.
1:30 I work for 30 min.
2:00 Cake and a surprise party for a pregnant coworker!
3:00 Department meeting! I am handed a deadly boring proofreading project. "Yay."
3:30 Meeting for which I am totally, 100% unprepared. But the woman I'm meeting with fails to notice! Score!
4:00 I pump.
NOW I'm gearing up to go home.
The day has actually gotten steadily better as it goes on. I'm hoping this means that I will get home to find a husband whose back magically feels better and two happy babies.
1:00 Maddie up for no good reason, crying. GH gets her back to sleep.
3:00 Everyone who is a baby eats.
5:00 Everyone who is a baby decides it’s time to get up. GH gets up with Riley. Maddie stays in bed with me. She intermittently fusses, punches me in the face, and dozes.
5:30 I hear a big CRASH in the bathroom. I ignore it.
6:00 Maddie is doing more punching and fussing than dozing, so I get up. I find Riley asleep in his carseat and GH on the couch under a blanket, watching TV with no sound. GH explains that the crash I heard was him falling over in the bathroom and hitting his back (?!) on the tub.
6:00-7:00 I race around and do all the morning prep work (packing my bag, packing lunches, mixing formula and packing the baby bag, etc.) because GH is sacked out on the couch.
7:00 I feed babies, GH takes shower.
7:15 I go to take shower, but drop one of my contact lenses on the floor and have to spend 10 minutes looking for it.
7:40 GH and I argue about whether or not his back can handle carrying the babies and going to work. We decide it can. I race out the door because I’m seriously behind at work and need to come in early.
8:10 I arrive at work. Traffic was a serious bitch.
8:15 I cook myself some oatmeal because I didn’t have time for breakfast at home. I decide to multitask and make my coffee while my oatmeal cooks. The oatmeal boils over in the microwave, creating a sticky mess.
8:30 I work for an hour.
9:30 I go to a company meeting led by Ken Doll from the home office. He assures us that our company is a "vital part of the corporate portfolio" and that our company president, who recently quit, will be replaced ASAP. He admonishes us all to keep our noses to the grindstone. He uses a lot of Successories in his speech. I feel ill.
10:00 I pump.
10:30 I work for 30 min.
11:00 I go get my haircut.
12:30 I work for 30 min.
1:00 I pump.
1:30 I work for 30 min.
2:00 Cake and a surprise party for a pregnant coworker!
3:00 Department meeting! I am handed a deadly boring proofreading project. "Yay."
3:30 Meeting for which I am totally, 100% unprepared. But the woman I'm meeting with fails to notice! Score!
4:00 I pump.
NOW I'm gearing up to go home.
The day has actually gotten steadily better as it goes on. I'm hoping this means that I will get home to find a husband whose back magically feels better and two happy babies.
15 November 2006
Halfway Through; Weary
I've made it halfway through NaBloPoMo as an unofficial participant, and for the first time my energy is lagging. I've had a long day--lots of meetings, errands, picking up babies, cooking dinner, applying for a new job, GH getting treatment, etc.--and I just don't have any ideas for a real post. Somehow writing about how much sugar I ate today (WAY too much), how wacky my work is (too time-consuming for right now), how poorly the babies slept last night (I sure hope that was an aberration), or GH's MRI results and treatment (eh, could be better, could be worse) just doesn't appeal.
So this post is kind of a cop-out, but it's here. I'm hoping to be more inspired tomorrow.
So this post is kind of a cop-out, but it's here. I'm hoping to be more inspired tomorrow.
14 November 2006
Ode to the Mint/Chocolate Combo
Work has been busy today. I've actually been working, and pumping, and goofing off, all three! Hooray for me. And after work I have to drop my car off for an oil change, do the usual after work stuff (bottle washing, dinner cooking, baby playing, you know), and then go to a moms of twins meeting after Maddie and Riley go to bed, leaving me precious little time to blog save these five stolen minutes before my last pumping session of the day.
I give to you today, this fourteenth day of NaBloPoMo, an ode to the glory that is the mint/chocolate combo. I love mint and chocolate together all year round. I am particularly fond of York Peppermint Patties, the mini ones, and once did an "experiment" to see how many I had to eat before I got a stomach ache (13). One of the best things about the arrival of the holiday season is that mint and chocolate get a lot of love. I just today had my first Starbucks Peppermint Mocha. Soon, the elusive Mint M&Ms will arrive in stores. Trader Joe's has a new cookie in stock, the Candy Cane Joe Joe, which may well be perfection in a cookie. And I was randomly at Cold Stone Creamery over the weekend and noted that they have a Dark Chocolate Peppermint ice cream available for the holiday season.
Oh, chocolate and mint how I love you! I hate winter, but I love chocolate and peppermint, yes, yes I do.
I give to you today, this fourteenth day of NaBloPoMo, an ode to the glory that is the mint/chocolate combo. I love mint and chocolate together all year round. I am particularly fond of York Peppermint Patties, the mini ones, and once did an "experiment" to see how many I had to eat before I got a stomach ache (13). One of the best things about the arrival of the holiday season is that mint and chocolate get a lot of love. I just today had my first Starbucks Peppermint Mocha. Soon, the elusive Mint M&Ms will arrive in stores. Trader Joe's has a new cookie in stock, the Candy Cane Joe Joe, which may well be perfection in a cookie. And I was randomly at Cold Stone Creamery over the weekend and noted that they have a Dark Chocolate Peppermint ice cream available for the holiday season.
Oh, chocolate and mint how I love you! I hate winter, but I love chocolate and peppermint, yes, yes I do.
13 November 2006
It's all fun and games here at snickollet!
[Edited 11/14: An astute reader (more astute than me at 9:30pm) noticed that the company website is visible in the logo, giving a good hint as to what the mystery device might be. If any readers speak Korean, we might be able to solve this mystery stat.]
My mother-in-law just got back from an extended trip to Korea. She bought us a lot of
stuff while she was there, including a heat lamp of the type that considerate acupuncturists use to keep your feet warm during a treatment. I was all excited about this until I realized that it it designed to be used in Korea with Korean electricity. I know that we could buy a converter, but this is no hair dryer that I want to use in France. This thing is going to suck up a looooooot of energy. Seems like a converter would be a bad idea.
But I digress.
I promised a game and a game there shall be! And please let it be known that this is my second post of the day; I didn't think that whooping cough post counted.
So here's the game. It's a guessing game. This is one of the items that my mother-in-law sent us. We're not sure what it is and we haven't had a chance to talk to her about it and find out. Do any of you Internets know?
First, a front view of the device. It's about the size of a rolling file box:
Now a view of the interior with the lid off:
In case any of you speak Korean, here's a close-up of the control panel:
And finally, a close-up of the logo on the front of the device:
GH thinks it's some kind of foot bath. I think you cook something in it. What about you? Thoughts?
My mother-in-law just got back from an extended trip to Korea. She bought us a lot of
stuff while she was there, including a heat lamp of the type that considerate acupuncturists use to keep your feet warm during a treatment. I was all excited about this until I realized that it it designed to be used in Korea with Korean electricity. I know that we could buy a converter, but this is no hair dryer that I want to use in France. This thing is going to suck up a looooooot of energy. Seems like a converter would be a bad idea.
But I digress.
I promised a game and a game there shall be! And please let it be known that this is my second post of the day; I didn't think that whooping cough post counted.
So here's the game. It's a guessing game. This is one of the items that my mother-in-law sent us. We're not sure what it is and we haven't had a chance to talk to her about it and find out. Do any of you Internets know?
First, a front view of the device. It's about the size of a rolling file box:
Now a view of the interior with the lid off:
In case any of you speak Korean, here's a close-up of the control panel:
And finally, a close-up of the logo on the front of the device:
GH thinks it's some kind of foot bath. I think you cook something in it. What about you? Thoughts?
No, Really, You Must Be Joking
It turns out that GH was exposed to whooping cough and that might be what's been causing him all of this congested angst. Because he's been on antibiotics for almost a week, there is no way to test him for it, but the symptoms fit and his doctors think that's probably what he had/has. I called our pediatrician, who says that the babies are protected by their immunizations. So far, I seem to have escaped, but I'm on high alert for any possible signs.
Whooping cough, jeez. It sounds so 1920s. Next thing you know, we'll have mumps. Actually, scratch that: GH had the mumps last year. What's next? Rubella followed by swarms of locusts?
Whooping cough, jeez. It sounds so 1920s. Next thing you know, we'll have mumps. Actually, scratch that: GH had the mumps last year. What's next? Rubella followed by swarms of locusts?
12 November 2006
Schedules
I've been thinking about schedules a lot lately. Of course, I've been thinking about them in relation to my children. You're shocked, right? I thought so.
You see, my children don't have much of a schedule. Oh, sure, bedtime rolls around at the same time every night, and every other night we have baths. Monday through Thursday, they are at day care from 8:30 to 4:30. On Fridays we have music class at 1:00. That's our schedule.
Eating? No schedule other than when they are hungry. Sleeping? Yeah, not so much. They nap when they seem tired. Mostly they nap for 45 minutes at a time throughout the day, usually not at the same time. Sometimes we'll get an hour or even an hour and a half, but not often.
On one hand, this lack of schedule drives me nuts. I'm more than a little bit of a planner. I love my Palm Pilot. I adore making lists. I like to plan my day and I like routine. Part of this is just me. Part of it, I think, is a general American obsession with schedules.
On the other hand, I don't feel like I can force the twins onto a schedule. Certainly as regards eating, they get to eat when they are hungry. As growing babies, this is their job. As regards, sleep, well, this is a loaded topic. In my heart, I feel like I shouldn't force them onto a schedule. They sleep pretty well at night and seem happy and rested during the day. But their catnapping and lack of any coherent nap times do not fall into the pattern that the books and (in my case at least) other parents would lead you to believe is normal and/or desirable.
Since I have no influence on their nap schedule or lack thereof four days a week, I also feel that any work I want to do in this regard is futile. And anyway, as I said, I'm not sure I want to work towards a schedule at all. Perhaps one will just fall into place without me forcing it. That would be nice. And if it doesn't, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
It's all the more difficult with twins since even if a schedule does emerge, it could be different for each baby since they are two little individuals. I hate to think that I'm going to spend their baby and toddler years with the two of them never being in synch on the napping, but that's the way it's been so far and it's not so bad. It gives me individual time with each baby, it just never gives me a total break.
I'm rambling on. I'm just filled with the usual first-time parent angst. Am I scarring my babies for life by forcing a schedule? By not forcing a schedule? Obviously, I don't really think that either choice will scar them for life, but sometimes the outside world wants you to feel that way. And am I just being lazy by resisting the schedule? Or is it that I truly believe that I know my kids better than anyone and trying to make their sleep and eating habits fit my life just seems selfish and unnecessary?
(Tomorrow's post will be more fun. I have a game in the works!)
You see, my children don't have much of a schedule. Oh, sure, bedtime rolls around at the same time every night, and every other night we have baths. Monday through Thursday, they are at day care from 8:30 to 4:30. On Fridays we have music class at 1:00. That's our schedule.
Eating? No schedule other than when they are hungry. Sleeping? Yeah, not so much. They nap when they seem tired. Mostly they nap for 45 minutes at a time throughout the day, usually not at the same time. Sometimes we'll get an hour or even an hour and a half, but not often.
On one hand, this lack of schedule drives me nuts. I'm more than a little bit of a planner. I love my Palm Pilot. I adore making lists. I like to plan my day and I like routine. Part of this is just me. Part of it, I think, is a general American obsession with schedules.
On the other hand, I don't feel like I can force the twins onto a schedule. Certainly as regards eating, they get to eat when they are hungry. As growing babies, this is their job. As regards, sleep, well, this is a loaded topic. In my heart, I feel like I shouldn't force them onto a schedule. They sleep pretty well at night and seem happy and rested during the day. But their catnapping and lack of any coherent nap times do not fall into the pattern that the books and (in my case at least) other parents would lead you to believe is normal and/or desirable.
Since I have no influence on their nap schedule or lack thereof four days a week, I also feel that any work I want to do in this regard is futile. And anyway, as I said, I'm not sure I want to work towards a schedule at all. Perhaps one will just fall into place without me forcing it. That would be nice. And if it doesn't, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
It's all the more difficult with twins since even if a schedule does emerge, it could be different for each baby since they are two little individuals. I hate to think that I'm going to spend their baby and toddler years with the two of them never being in synch on the napping, but that's the way it's been so far and it's not so bad. It gives me individual time with each baby, it just never gives me a total break.
I'm rambling on. I'm just filled with the usual first-time parent angst. Am I scarring my babies for life by forcing a schedule? By not forcing a schedule? Obviously, I don't really think that either choice will scar them for life, but sometimes the outside world wants you to feel that way. And am I just being lazy by resisting the schedule? Or is it that I truly believe that I know my kids better than anyone and trying to make their sleep and eating habits fit my life just seems selfish and unnecessary?
(Tomorrow's post will be more fun. I have a game in the works!)
11 November 2006
100 Things about Me, Part II
This time I saw clear to save my wine-drinking for after completing my list.
51. I know how to give subcutaneous shots. I have given shots to my cat, my husband, and myself.
52. I am the only person I know who likes to listen to NPR while working out.
53. I am not very good with the concept of right and left. I often say “Turn left!” when I mean “Turn right!” and vice versa.
54. In third grade, I cheated on a math test, a timed multiplication test. I am still feeling remorse, and no, I’m not Catholic!
55. I’m actually not anything, as far as religion goes. My parents are Methodists, but not practicing.
56. My parents got divorced when I was 5.
57. I am very independent and hate to ask for help.
58. For many years I drove a 1975 Volvo station wagon that had been in my family since it was brand-new. I really loved that car, but the New England winters with all the salt on the roads killed it.
59. I can name all 50 states in alphabetical order.
60. When I lived in France, I gave up chocolate for Lent because everyone I knew was giving up something, so I figured I might as well give up something, too. I lost my taste for chocolate during that time, but I worked hard to get it back.
61. With my husband’s help, I have come to understand that a dessert does not have to include chocolate to count as dessert.
62. I really enjoy drinking wine, but I am no connoisseur.
63. I love to learn new things and I’m always coming up with things that I would like to go back to school and study. My latest is acupuncture.
64. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. What’s better than food and family?
65. I have a strict “no Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving” policy because I hate the way Thanksgiving gets drowned out by Christmas commercialism.
66. I know every single word to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.”
67. I love to travel. I have been all over the US, to Costa Rica, the Caribbean, many European countries, Canada, Gabon, Ghana, and Côte d’Ivoire.
68. I can only stay awake for movies by eating popcorn. Otherwise, it’s lights out, baby.
69. I NEVER, EVER see things coming when I’m watching a movie, even if everyone else knows what’s about to happen.
70. I’m very gullible, except with my husband who can sneak nothing past me. I can read him like a book.
71. I hate shopping. Really.
72. I recently bought makeup for the first time since high school.
73. Thanks largely to Peace Corps, I am a pop culture void. But luckily, my husband is a fountain of random trivia and useless facts.
74. I never watched much TV as a kid, except for Little House on the Prairie.
75. I am a huge Red Sox fan (Jason Varitek is my favorite player).
76. When I was pregnant I became a football fan, although I have no real allegiances there. (I root for whoever my husband says we like or against whoever we hate.)
77. Again, I hate to choose favorites. But if forced to pick a favorite book, it would be Bel Canto by Ann Patchett.
78. I don’t like to reread books or rewatch movies. Exceptions for movies are Babe, March of the Penguins, and Lost in Translation.
79. The first concert I went to was Men at Work. I was in the sixth grade.
80. The only dogs I like are Daschunds.
81. I am one of the few people I know who really enjoys public speaking.
82. I hate ice in my drinks, no matter how warm the weather or how warm the drink.
83. If a drink has ice, the only way it is tolerable for me to drink it is through a straw.
84. I actually always prefer a straw, if a straw is available. And unless the drink is wine or beer or some other alcoholic beverage.
85. I have green eyes.
86. I love to rub my eyes and can do so even with my contacts in place.
87. I am a crier. I cry when I’m angry. I cry when I’m frustrated. I cry when I’m sad. Sometimes I cry when I’m happy. I’ve become less of a crier as I get older, but overall, crying is a good release for me.
88. For a long time (and before I was married), I didn’t think I wanted kids. Then I thought I only wanted one. Now I have two. And that is perfect.
89. No one, and I mean NO ONE, looks worse in baseball hats than me.
90. I have terrible hand-eye coordination.
91. Partially due to my poor hand-eye coordination, I am truly terrible at all team sports. Can’t throw with any accuracy, can’t hit things, can’t keep track of what my teammates are up to.
92. I hate the game charades with the passion of a thousand burning suns.
93. I’m a decent Scrabble player.
94. I passed the Foreign Service exam on the first try, but chose not to join the Foreign Service.
95. I was a good teacher, but a bad disciplinarian.
96. I was a total geek in high school and worry that my kids will get away with murder because I have no idea what kinds of naughty things teenagers do.
97. During high school, I practiced the oboe for three hours a day.
98. My daughter is named in part for Madeleine L’Engle, my favorite young adult novelist. My son is named in part for our fertility doctor.
99. I’m a Mac user, but not one of those militant, holier-than-thou Mac users.
100. I had no idea that it would be so difficult to come up with 100 things about myself.
51. I know how to give subcutaneous shots. I have given shots to my cat, my husband, and myself.
52. I am the only person I know who likes to listen to NPR while working out.
53. I am not very good with the concept of right and left. I often say “Turn left!” when I mean “Turn right!” and vice versa.
54. In third grade, I cheated on a math test, a timed multiplication test. I am still feeling remorse, and no, I’m not Catholic!
55. I’m actually not anything, as far as religion goes. My parents are Methodists, but not practicing.
56. My parents got divorced when I was 5.
57. I am very independent and hate to ask for help.
58. For many years I drove a 1975 Volvo station wagon that had been in my family since it was brand-new. I really loved that car, but the New England winters with all the salt on the roads killed it.
59. I can name all 50 states in alphabetical order.
60. When I lived in France, I gave up chocolate for Lent because everyone I knew was giving up something, so I figured I might as well give up something, too. I lost my taste for chocolate during that time, but I worked hard to get it back.
61. With my husband’s help, I have come to understand that a dessert does not have to include chocolate to count as dessert.
62. I really enjoy drinking wine, but I am no connoisseur.
63. I love to learn new things and I’m always coming up with things that I would like to go back to school and study. My latest is acupuncture.
64. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. What’s better than food and family?
65. I have a strict “no Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving” policy because I hate the way Thanksgiving gets drowned out by Christmas commercialism.
66. I know every single word to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.”
67. I love to travel. I have been all over the US, to Costa Rica, the Caribbean, many European countries, Canada, Gabon, Ghana, and Côte d’Ivoire.
68. I can only stay awake for movies by eating popcorn. Otherwise, it’s lights out, baby.
69. I NEVER, EVER see things coming when I’m watching a movie, even if everyone else knows what’s about to happen.
70. I’m very gullible, except with my husband who can sneak nothing past me. I can read him like a book.
71. I hate shopping. Really.
72. I recently bought makeup for the first time since high school.
73. Thanks largely to Peace Corps, I am a pop culture void. But luckily, my husband is a fountain of random trivia and useless facts.
74. I never watched much TV as a kid, except for Little House on the Prairie.
75. I am a huge Red Sox fan (Jason Varitek is my favorite player).
76. When I was pregnant I became a football fan, although I have no real allegiances there. (I root for whoever my husband says we like or against whoever we hate.)
77. Again, I hate to choose favorites. But if forced to pick a favorite book, it would be Bel Canto by Ann Patchett.
78. I don’t like to reread books or rewatch movies. Exceptions for movies are Babe, March of the Penguins, and Lost in Translation.
79. The first concert I went to was Men at Work. I was in the sixth grade.
80. The only dogs I like are Daschunds.
81. I am one of the few people I know who really enjoys public speaking.
82. I hate ice in my drinks, no matter how warm the weather or how warm the drink.
83. If a drink has ice, the only way it is tolerable for me to drink it is through a straw.
84. I actually always prefer a straw, if a straw is available. And unless the drink is wine or beer or some other alcoholic beverage.
85. I have green eyes.
86. I love to rub my eyes and can do so even with my contacts in place.
87. I am a crier. I cry when I’m angry. I cry when I’m frustrated. I cry when I’m sad. Sometimes I cry when I’m happy. I’ve become less of a crier as I get older, but overall, crying is a good release for me.
88. For a long time (and before I was married), I didn’t think I wanted kids. Then I thought I only wanted one. Now I have two. And that is perfect.
89. No one, and I mean NO ONE, looks worse in baseball hats than me.
90. I have terrible hand-eye coordination.
91. Partially due to my poor hand-eye coordination, I am truly terrible at all team sports. Can’t throw with any accuracy, can’t hit things, can’t keep track of what my teammates are up to.
92. I hate the game charades with the passion of a thousand burning suns.
93. I’m a decent Scrabble player.
94. I passed the Foreign Service exam on the first try, but chose not to join the Foreign Service.
95. I was a good teacher, but a bad disciplinarian.
96. I was a total geek in high school and worry that my kids will get away with murder because I have no idea what kinds of naughty things teenagers do.
97. During high school, I practiced the oboe for three hours a day.
98. My daughter is named in part for Madeleine L’Engle, my favorite young adult novelist. My son is named in part for our fertility doctor.
99. I’m a Mac user, but not one of those militant, holier-than-thou Mac users.
100. I had no idea that it would be so difficult to come up with 100 things about myself.
10 November 2006
Again with the Wine
I fully intended to post Part II of my 100 Things list today. But my sister-in-law arrived for a visit and once again I got going with the red wine and now I can't think of anything to say for numbers 83 through 100 except "I'm tipsy" and "I'm tired." Not so interesting! So instead I'm going to pump (curse you, Medela Pump In Style! I am so sick of you!) and go to bed. Perhaps tomorrow I will see fit to lay off the sauce and be a real blogger.
Respectfully yours,
-snickollet
Respectfully yours,
-snickollet
09 November 2006
100 Things about Me, Part I
I've never done a 100 Things list and have always wanted to. I found it daunting to come up with 100 things at one go, so I'm going to post it in two installments. This is also a bit of cheating to help me stay on top of posting every day in November.
Anway, without further ado, here are the first 50 things on my list:
1. My husband has terminal cancer, and this thought is with me every moment of every day.
2. Sappy as it sounds, the thought that coexists with that is that I can’t believe that we found each other and have been sharing a life together for over three years. I never knew that another person could make me so happy.
3. I am the mother of boy/girl twins.
4. When I was a kid, I thought that being 27 would be the perfect balance of being a “real” adult but still young and footloose and fancy-free.
5. In fact, my vision turned out to be pretty much true. At 27, I graduated from grad school and moved to Boston, essentially on a whim. It was an exciting, humbling year.
6. I got my first job in Boston by cold-mailing my resume to a bunch of companies that I looked up in the phone book. The job really sucked, but it was the quintessential entry-level job: low pay, meager responsibilities, good experience in my industry.
7. The next job I got is the job that I still have.
8. I have a Master’s in Translation and Interpretation of French.
9. Pet peeve: I hate it when people say translation (written documents) and mean interpretation (spoken word).
10. I no longer do work as an interpreter, but being able to do simultaneous interpretation is a pretty cool party trick.
11. Speaking of party tricks, I can tie the stem of a cherry into a knot with my tongue.
12. I hate choosing favorite things, but if I could only have one food for the rest of my life, I’d have to go with ice cream.
13. I have lived in the United States, England, France, and Gabon.
14. I lived in Gabon because I was a Peace Corps Volunteer. I taught English, a useful skill for African kids in the jungle. Ha.
15. When I finished Peace Corps, I thought that nothing I did in life would ever be more difficult than those three years. I have repeatedly been proven wrong.
16. Peace Corps was life-changing, if for no other reason than it was a three-year experiment in bad decision-making. Loneliness and isolation can really cloud your judgment.
17. I am an optimist by nature.
18. I am an early riser by nature.
19. I have never pulled an all-nighter.
20. I learned to drive on a stick shift and to this day hate to drive automatics.
21. I always wear flip-flops in the shower, even at home.
22. I am terrified of the dark and still sleep with a night-light.
23. I play the oboe.
24. I look like my father, but my mannerisms are so much like my mother’s that people think she and I look alike.
25. I have an internal alarm clock. If I know what time it is when I go to bed, I can set it for the time I want to get up. If I wake up in the night, I have to reset it by checking the time.
26. I have a complex set of rules for deciding which side of the bed I will sleep on when I’m not in my bed at home. It has to do with the relative position of the bed to doors and windows.
27. I have a fear of vomiting.
28. I am allergic to mangoes, but just the skin, so if someone else peels it for me, I can eat the flesh.
29. My cat is named Dinner.
30. Nothing is more relaxing to me than sitting in a hot tub.
31. I am a fast, inaccurate typist and a fast, inaccurate reader.
32. About an hour after I’ve seen a movie, I only remember the basics of the plot and whether or not I enjoyed it. I have never understood how people remember lines from movies after only seeing them once. I usually can’t even remember the ending!
33. And yet, I really love to go to the movies.
34. I fall asleep really, really fast at night. According to my husband, it takes me less than 30 seconds to fall asleep.
35. I hate to talk on the phone and always screen my calls.
36. I love the color orange.
37. I hate, hate, hate clutter in my house.
38. In theory, I try to shop at locally-owned businesses, but in practice I am cheap and often end up shopping wherever I can get the best deal.
39. Ditto on buying organic food.
40. Although I always buy organic milk because it tastes sooooo much better.
41. I can be a little, um, how shall I say this? bossy.
42. I don’t like to eat food shaped like animals. If I do indulge, I will not eat the head. Exception for gummy bears, which don’t look like much of anything except blobs.
43. I’m the only person I know who has ever been told by her dentist to stop brushing her teeth so much. I used to brush 5+ times a day and I was brushing my enamel away. Now I’m down to 2 times a day.
44. I had braces for four years.
45. One year in college I made a New Year’s resolution to floss every day. I could count on one hand the number of day I’ve missed since then, and that was at least 13 years ago.
46. Ohmygod I graduated from college almost 13 years ago.
47. I had never worked out regularly until I moved to Boston seven years ago.
48. I love to bake and I have made three wedding cakes.
49. I used to speak harshly of people who talked on their cell phones while driving, but now I talk and drive all the time.
50. I’m pretty clumsy. When I was 10, I broke my foot walking up a flight of stairs.
Anway, without further ado, here are the first 50 things on my list:
1. My husband has terminal cancer, and this thought is with me every moment of every day.
2. Sappy as it sounds, the thought that coexists with that is that I can’t believe that we found each other and have been sharing a life together for over three years. I never knew that another person could make me so happy.
3. I am the mother of boy/girl twins.
4. When I was a kid, I thought that being 27 would be the perfect balance of being a “real” adult but still young and footloose and fancy-free.
5. In fact, my vision turned out to be pretty much true. At 27, I graduated from grad school and moved to Boston, essentially on a whim. It was an exciting, humbling year.
6. I got my first job in Boston by cold-mailing my resume to a bunch of companies that I looked up in the phone book. The job really sucked, but it was the quintessential entry-level job: low pay, meager responsibilities, good experience in my industry.
7. The next job I got is the job that I still have.
8. I have a Master’s in Translation and Interpretation of French.
9. Pet peeve: I hate it when people say translation (written documents) and mean interpretation (spoken word).
10. I no longer do work as an interpreter, but being able to do simultaneous interpretation is a pretty cool party trick.
11. Speaking of party tricks, I can tie the stem of a cherry into a knot with my tongue.
12. I hate choosing favorite things, but if I could only have one food for the rest of my life, I’d have to go with ice cream.
13. I have lived in the United States, England, France, and Gabon.
14. I lived in Gabon because I was a Peace Corps Volunteer. I taught English, a useful skill for African kids in the jungle. Ha.
15. When I finished Peace Corps, I thought that nothing I did in life would ever be more difficult than those three years. I have repeatedly been proven wrong.
16. Peace Corps was life-changing, if for no other reason than it was a three-year experiment in bad decision-making. Loneliness and isolation can really cloud your judgment.
17. I am an optimist by nature.
18. I am an early riser by nature.
19. I have never pulled an all-nighter.
20. I learned to drive on a stick shift and to this day hate to drive automatics.
21. I always wear flip-flops in the shower, even at home.
22. I am terrified of the dark and still sleep with a night-light.
23. I play the oboe.
24. I look like my father, but my mannerisms are so much like my mother’s that people think she and I look alike.
25. I have an internal alarm clock. If I know what time it is when I go to bed, I can set it for the time I want to get up. If I wake up in the night, I have to reset it by checking the time.
26. I have a complex set of rules for deciding which side of the bed I will sleep on when I’m not in my bed at home. It has to do with the relative position of the bed to doors and windows.
27. I have a fear of vomiting.
28. I am allergic to mangoes, but just the skin, so if someone else peels it for me, I can eat the flesh.
29. My cat is named Dinner.
30. Nothing is more relaxing to me than sitting in a hot tub.
31. I am a fast, inaccurate typist and a fast, inaccurate reader.
32. About an hour after I’ve seen a movie, I only remember the basics of the plot and whether or not I enjoyed it. I have never understood how people remember lines from movies after only seeing them once. I usually can’t even remember the ending!
33. And yet, I really love to go to the movies.
34. I fall asleep really, really fast at night. According to my husband, it takes me less than 30 seconds to fall asleep.
35. I hate to talk on the phone and always screen my calls.
36. I love the color orange.
37. I hate, hate, hate clutter in my house.
38. In theory, I try to shop at locally-owned businesses, but in practice I am cheap and often end up shopping wherever I can get the best deal.
39. Ditto on buying organic food.
40. Although I always buy organic milk because it tastes sooooo much better.
41. I can be a little, um, how shall I say this? bossy.
42. I don’t like to eat food shaped like animals. If I do indulge, I will not eat the head. Exception for gummy bears, which don’t look like much of anything except blobs.
43. I’m the only person I know who has ever been told by her dentist to stop brushing her teeth so much. I used to brush 5+ times a day and I was brushing my enamel away. Now I’m down to 2 times a day.
44. I had braces for four years.
45. One year in college I made a New Year’s resolution to floss every day. I could count on one hand the number of day I’ve missed since then, and that was at least 13 years ago.
46. Ohmygod I graduated from college almost 13 years ago.
47. I had never worked out regularly until I moved to Boston seven years ago.
48. I love to bake and I have made three wedding cakes.
49. I used to speak harshly of people who talked on their cell phones while driving, but now I talk and drive all the time.
50. I’m pretty clumsy. When I was 10, I broke my foot walking up a flight of stairs.
08 November 2006
How the Hell Did That Happen?
Via Rev. Dr. Mom:
I've lived in MA for seven and a half years now. When I first moved here, I thought I'd stay a year or two, then head back to my beloved Oregon. But then I got a job I loved and then I got married and blah blah blah here I am lo so many years later. I'm OK with that, but how did I get to be 95% Massachusetts? Where is the quiz for Oregon? I'm sure I'd score 100% on that one.
Dude! You're 95% from Massachusetts!
Dude! Me and Sully and Fitzie and Sean are gonna hit Landsdowne tonight after the game, hang out at the Beerworks. I'll pick you up at the Coop at 6.
How Massachusetts are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
I've lived in MA for seven and a half years now. When I first moved here, I thought I'd stay a year or two, then head back to my beloved Oregon. But then I got a job I loved and then I got married and blah blah blah here I am lo so many years later. I'm OK with that, but how did I get to be 95% Massachusetts? Where is the quiz for Oregon? I'm sure I'd score 100% on that one.
07 November 2006
The Verdict
GH does not have to stay in the hospital tonight! But:
1. He definitely has an ear infection.
2. He SOUNDS like he has pneumonia, but the x-ray doesn't LOOK like pneumonia.
3. His white cells are low, so the whole shebang appears viral rather than bacterial BUT his white cells might just be suppressed b/c of chemo.
4. In case it's bacterial, they're giving him an antibiotic. The antibiotic of choice is, of course, something to which he is allergic. So he's getting something else that tends to cause stomach upset. "Great."
5. We have to chart his fever and call if he gets worse or fails to get better.
I'm just glad he'll be home tonight. Even if he is too sick to help with the babies, the idea of him not being there is scary for the symbolism of it. I need the four of us to be under the same roof. I'm not ready to be three, even on a trial basis.
1. He definitely has an ear infection.
2. He SOUNDS like he has pneumonia, but the x-ray doesn't LOOK like pneumonia.
3. His white cells are low, so the whole shebang appears viral rather than bacterial BUT his white cells might just be suppressed b/c of chemo.
4. In case it's bacterial, they're giving him an antibiotic. The antibiotic of choice is, of course, something to which he is allergic. So he's getting something else that tends to cause stomach upset. "Great."
5. We have to chart his fever and call if he gets worse or fails to get better.
I'm just glad he'll be home tonight. Even if he is too sick to help with the babies, the idea of him not being there is scary for the symbolism of it. I need the four of us to be under the same roof. I'm not ready to be three, even on a trial basis.
06 November 2006
Trying Not to Get Ahead of Myself
GH stayed home from work today. He's been fighting a cold for about three weeks now. Just when we think he's getting better, he takes a turn for the worse again. The rest of us have had the cold and moved on, but GH just can't shake it. This is what a compromised immune system will do to a guy.
I got home to find him in a foul mood, and who can blame him? He had a fever of 101.5, he had spent an hour listening to our son scream (Riley had refused two out of three of his bottles at day care and was hungry, tired and cranky), his voice was gone, he had chills, and he was coughing. I'd be cranky, too.
We got Riley down for a nap and GH holed up on the couch to rest a bit. We're both worried it's pneumonia, which would likely mean a hospital stay. Not only is this not good news for GH--who wants to stay in the hospital?--but it's not good news for me either since I'd be home alone with the babies. I know other people have done it and I could, too, but on top of everything else, it just sounds overwhelming. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself since we don't know that he's sick enough to require a hospital stay, but I am fretting and starting to think about who I could recruit to come to my house for a sleepover. Anyone out there want to visit us :)?
Keep the good thoughts coming. We could use them right now. GH goes in for an MRI tomorrow to check on the status of his cancer and then he'll stop by the oncologist's office to see what the deal is with his cold/flu/whatever. I'm trying to think positive, or at least not expect the worst.
I got home to find him in a foul mood, and who can blame him? He had a fever of 101.5, he had spent an hour listening to our son scream (Riley had refused two out of three of his bottles at day care and was hungry, tired and cranky), his voice was gone, he had chills, and he was coughing. I'd be cranky, too.
We got Riley down for a nap and GH holed up on the couch to rest a bit. We're both worried it's pneumonia, which would likely mean a hospital stay. Not only is this not good news for GH--who wants to stay in the hospital?--but it's not good news for me either since I'd be home alone with the babies. I know other people have done it and I could, too, but on top of everything else, it just sounds overwhelming. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself since we don't know that he's sick enough to require a hospital stay, but I am fretting and starting to think about who I could recruit to come to my house for a sleepover. Anyone out there want to visit us :)?
Keep the good thoughts coming. We could use them right now. GH goes in for an MRI tomorrow to check on the status of his cancer and then he'll stop by the oncologist's office to see what the deal is with his cold/flu/whatever. I'm trying to think positive, or at least not expect the worst.
05 November 2006
Aha!
GH and I had a discussion last night, the same old discussion we always have. It all boils down to the: Cancer sucks. The discussion takes different forms; it could be my resentment about doing more to care for the babies, GH's annoyance that he never feels great, you name it. But it all gets back to cancer. Stooopid cancer.
I had an aha! moment during this particular discussion, though. When the babies were born, I let my gym membership lapse. I don't really have time to go to the gym, and during the summer is was a moot point since I walked and walked and walked all the time. I certainly get my strength training by hefting two babies around all the time! But I've gone from 5-7 solid cardio workouts a week (pre-pregnancy, I was a runner and during pregnancy I was a walker) to almost none. I think this lack of exercise is catching up to me especially now that I'm at work and I don't even get out for those walks with the babies anymore. Not to mention the fact that I don't eat as well anymore. My fruit and veggie intake is at an all-time low.
I need to come up with ways to ramp up my nutrition and try to get a little more exercise. We have a gym at my office, but with pumping three times a day, I'm already feeling behind on my work and can't really justify spending time working out during the work day. I already get up early with the babies and want to spend that morning time feeding them and getting time with them since I don't see them all day. After work is hard since we start getting the babies ready for bed at 7:00 and I don't get home until 5:30 even if I don't go to the gym. Argh. It's hard, but I do think some workouts would improve my overall mental health. Maybe I can incorporate stretching into my work day at my desk? A pilates video after the twins go to bed?
And on that note, I'm off to eat chocolate cake and watch some football before heading to bed. The exercise regime and healthier eating can always start tomorrow, right?
I had an aha! moment during this particular discussion, though. When the babies were born, I let my gym membership lapse. I don't really have time to go to the gym, and during the summer is was a moot point since I walked and walked and walked all the time. I certainly get my strength training by hefting two babies around all the time! But I've gone from 5-7 solid cardio workouts a week (pre-pregnancy, I was a runner and during pregnancy I was a walker) to almost none. I think this lack of exercise is catching up to me especially now that I'm at work and I don't even get out for those walks with the babies anymore. Not to mention the fact that I don't eat as well anymore. My fruit and veggie intake is at an all-time low.
I need to come up with ways to ramp up my nutrition and try to get a little more exercise. We have a gym at my office, but with pumping three times a day, I'm already feeling behind on my work and can't really justify spending time working out during the work day. I already get up early with the babies and want to spend that morning time feeding them and getting time with them since I don't see them all day. After work is hard since we start getting the babies ready for bed at 7:00 and I don't get home until 5:30 even if I don't go to the gym. Argh. It's hard, but I do think some workouts would improve my overall mental health. Maybe I can incorporate stretching into my work day at my desk? A pilates video after the twins go to bed?
And on that note, I'm off to eat chocolate cake and watch some football before heading to bed. The exercise regime and healthier eating can always start tomorrow, right?
04 November 2006
A Different Kind of Tiredness
It's nice to feel tired because I stayed up too late talking to an old friend. On one hand, tired it tired. But there's something different about having made a conscious decision to have another glass of wine, discuss another point, eat another piece of chocolate. So much of my life has felt out of my control lately that taking some control--even if that meant making decisions that led to me having a headache and being very sleepy today--was a nice change of pace.
Ultimately, I just like knowing what to expect. Being a parent is going to be a lifelong journey in expecting the unexpected and I'm still getting used to that.
Ultimately, I just like knowing what to expect. Being a parent is going to be a lifelong journey in expecting the unexpected and I'm still getting used to that.
03 November 2006
In the Nick of Time: A Drunken Haiku
Friends are visiting.
Laughter, love, joy, caring: mine.
And too much red wine.
Laughter, love, joy, caring: mine.
And too much red wine.
02 November 2006
Hardontherapy: Not What You Think
I checked my e-mail last night before I went to bed. Of the 30 or so messages I had, approximately half of them were spam related to Viagra or mortgages or the like. Lately the spam I get has become more crafty; it often appears to be from someone I know. The message will list my sister-in-law's name as the sender, for example, but have "ViaaaGRhaa" or somesuch for the title. Sneaky! And kind of scary.
One of my messages appeared to be from a good friend of my from grad school. But the title was "Hardontherapy." I clicked on it anyway, why I do not know. And I started to read the message, which really was from my friend, and started, "I don't know if you have considered using hardontherapy for John's cancer . . ."
Um, well.
Ahem.
That's a rather personal question, isn't it?
So I'm feeling kind of creeped out and I stop reading and then I look very carefully at the subject line of the message because you see I am a really fast and inaccurate reader and sometimes I need to see things a few times to get it.
It wasn't haRDontherapy, it was haDRontherapy. Turns out that hadrontherapy is a specialized kind of radiation therapy that uses protons to treat a variety of cancers. It's quite cutting edge, and it turns out that my friend's father is one of the lead researchers on the project in France. Also, one of the few and the best center for hadrontherapy in the US is right here in Boston. It's unclear whether or not this therapy could help John, but it's certainly worth looking into.
I'm glad I decided to open the message.
One of my messages appeared to be from a good friend of my from grad school. But the title was "Hardontherapy." I clicked on it anyway, why I do not know. And I started to read the message, which really was from my friend, and started, "I don't know if you have considered using hardontherapy for John's cancer . . ."
Um, well.
Ahem.
That's a rather personal question, isn't it?
So I'm feeling kind of creeped out and I stop reading and then I look very carefully at the subject line of the message because you see I am a really fast and inaccurate reader and sometimes I need to see things a few times to get it.
It wasn't haRDontherapy, it was haDRontherapy. Turns out that hadrontherapy is a specialized kind of radiation therapy that uses protons to treat a variety of cancers. It's quite cutting edge, and it turns out that my friend's father is one of the lead researchers on the project in France. Also, one of the few and the best center for hadrontherapy in the US is right here in Boston. It's unclear whether or not this therapy could help John, but it's certainly worth looking into.
I'm glad I decided to open the message.
01 November 2006
Reflections on Halloween
• Halloween is more fun when you have kids, even if your kids are too young to get it.
• Babies look adorable when dressed like food.
• Babies also look adorable when dressed like sea life.
• Really, babies just look adorable in costume.
• It is possible to eat too much candy at the office Halloween party.
• It is possible to not learn one's lesson and subsequently eat too much leftover candy at the office the next day.
• It is possible to eat four slices of pizza while balancing a twin on each knee.
• Your own kids are always the cutest kids in the room.
• When your house has a lot of stairs leading to the front door, you don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters. In fact, you get zero. Lazy kids!
• When you don't get any trick-or-treaters, you end up eating yet more candy.
• It is possible to get sick of candy.
I think I need to go on a cleansing diet of nothing but fruit and veggies for a few days. We had a great Halloween.
• Babies look adorable when dressed like food.
• Babies also look adorable when dressed like sea life.
• Really, babies just look adorable in costume.
• It is possible to eat too much candy at the office Halloween party.
• It is possible to not learn one's lesson and subsequently eat too much leftover candy at the office the next day.
• It is possible to eat four slices of pizza while balancing a twin on each knee.
• Your own kids are always the cutest kids in the room.
• When your house has a lot of stairs leading to the front door, you don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters. In fact, you get zero. Lazy kids!
• When you don't get any trick-or-treaters, you end up eating yet more candy.
• It is possible to get sick of candy.
I think I need to go on a cleansing diet of nothing but fruit and veggies for a few days. We had a great Halloween.
NaBloPoMo: Unofficial Participant
I'm a day late (and thus, I suppose, a dollar short) to officially register for NaBloPoMo, but I've made a personal commitment to posting every day for the month of November. I've been feeling like a broken record lately: whine, whine, whine, my kids are so cute, whine, whine, whine, bitch, moan. Hopefully posting every day will get me out of my rut.
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